


Different

by orphan_account



Category: Breaking Bad
Genre: First Kiss, M/M, jesse is a confused and sad baby
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-12
Updated: 2017-01-12
Packaged: 2018-09-17 03:12:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9301511
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Skyler suspected something was different.





	

**Author's Note:**

> probably around season 1 or 2 idk the concept of time and continuity is foreign to me

 

 

Skyler suspected something was different.

She couldn’t figure out what, though. It was on the tip of her tongue, sure; the way Walter smiled knowingly to himself during dinner, the way the creases in his skin softened as if he was always thinking about something. Him coming home hours after dark, sweat trickling the side of his worn face. He had told her about his situation with marijuana, and to her that should be the only thing intervening on their calm, everyday life. That, and also…

But nonetheless, Skyler, ultimately, knew that wasn’t the case.

So she went digging. Like she always did. 

* * *

 

Jesse’s heart felt like it was going to implode. _What the hell was she doing here? Why was she coming back here?_ His thoughts, one after the other, louder and louder, swarming in his head and he was trying to calm down. Just calm. He moved out of the window blinds, his feet shuffling awkwardly in his baggy pants. He heard her knock again, louder this time. Jesse let out a sharp breath, his hand reaching for the door, opening it, slowly, uninvitingly.

Their gazes met immediately.

“Ah, uh… what do you want. Ma’am.” Eyes flitting to the woman before him, her pursed lips and arms crossing tentatively, gently, across her chest. _What was her name again? Sarah? Susan?_

“It’s Skyler. Skyler White.” Blonde hair shifting as she looked him up and down. Jesse copied her movements, noticing her throat sliding down as she gulped. Skyler, Mrs. White, seemed nervous. He cocked his head, squinting against the sunlight above him because damn, was it fucking hot outside.

“… Do you want to… come in?”

“I’d prefer to stay out here, thanks.” Mrs. White replied, one of her hands unhooking from her crossed position to reach towards her stomach. Oh.

She didn’t want the junkie fumes from his house to hurt her baby, he guessed. Jesse wanted to feel offended about that. He spoke again.

“Well, Mrs. White, ah, what is it that-“

“What is your relationship with my husband?”

Jesse didn’t know whether to scoff at her rudeness, or laugh at the question. Usually he wouldn’t let her outburst slide, but hey, he was feeling polite today. Besides, didn’t she already know?

“I sell pot to Mr. Whi- your husband.” He felt like he was being lectured, and was repeating excuses that would eventually amount to nothing different. This woman, this pregnant woman, really drove all the way to his house to ask him a question she already knew the answer to. How nice. How welcoming.

“No. There is something else, isn’t there?” Skyler pressed on, moving towards him, almost menacingly. “What is it?”

“Yo, lady I-, I just sell him pot, yo.” Jesse couldn’t believe he was actually becoming a little intimidated by this woman. “What, do you want me to tell you I sell him crystals or something too?”

Skyler shook her head, lips parting to speak. Nothing came out, though, just a scoff, and her arms were crossed upon her chest again. Her eyes, from looking at the ground, went back up to Jesse, and he noticed the hardening of her gaze. It felt like she was trying to toughen herself up to the kid before her.

“Walter, he’s- He’s been acting weird. And if you don’t know, then I’ll be happy to go on my way.” Jesse heard her inhale harshly. “But, if you do know, and you’re not telling me, then you’re going to have to face some awful consequences. _Yo_.”

Jesse bit his lip. What was Mrs. White doing here anyway, trying to scare him, trying to get him to talk about something he knew nothing about? Was it about the bodies? Oh god, it can’t be about the bodies. There was no way that Skyler could sense that.

Could she? Jesse felt himself growing more nervous now. What was Mr. White doing that was so weird anyway?

“Really, I dunno anything, Mrs. White. Promise.” His voice cracked a little. He hoped she didn’t notice that.

A pause. Jesse waited for her reply.

Skyler only just sighed in response. Her body loosened and she licked her bottom lip. Her face looked really, really, annoyed. Jesse felt almost bad that her visit to his dungy home amounted to ultimately nothing.

“Well… can you talk to him then? _Without_ selling him pot?” Mrs. White was scary when she needed to be, Jesse came to learn. Probably the only thing he learned from this conversation.

“Y-Yeah. Sure.” He gave her a nod to affirm his answer, and as Skyler turned to leave, she said something.. kinda weird. Jesse only watched her as she said it, her turning around and the sun hitting the tops of her shoulders, and the blonde in her hair as she walked off.

“I feel like he’d listen to you more than he’d listen to me.”

* * *

 

 

 Reaching up again, Jesse let his fingers rummage through his tousled locks, watching Mr. White mix things into other things that he didn’t really understand. He didn’t really understand Mr. White at all.

He kept thinking back to what Skyler had told him, but looking at the man in front of him, Mr. White was acting just the same as he usually would. Jesse’s eyes wandered to Walter’s face; he was grumbling to himself, his clothes all rumpled like they always were, glasses sat crookedly upon his nose, eyes hardening in concentration as per usual.   
  
Jesse wondered if there was something going on at home, something bad enough to make Skyler believe that Mr. White would rather talk to his alleged, “ _drug dealer_ ”, than to his own wife. Jesse could understand how it would be hard to listen to a woman like that, but still. He didn’t get it.

“Yo, uh- Mr. White.” The sound of glass clinking against one another ceased. Walter didn’t turn around.

“What is it, Jesse?” He replied, obviously annoyed.

“Ah... never mind.” Jesse really wasn’t in the mood to have Mr. White be agitated with him, like he always seems to be. _The guy always has to have a problem with me_ , he thought. This made Walter turn around, not before setting down the flask he had held in his hand. “No, go on.” Walter motioned.

“I just, ah… your wife was poking around at my house yesterday. Askin’ about you.”

“… And?”

“She said you’ve been actin’ weird or something, askin’ me if I know about it.”

Walt didn’t say anything for a while after that. He simply turned back around, resuming what he was doing before.

Jesse looked his back in utter confusion. “Uh, yo, Mr. White. Hello?”

This time the glass clinked loudly before stopping immediately. Walter lowered his head.

“Jesse… have you ever felt… powerful?” Walter turned towards Jesse again. He took a step towards where Jesse was leaning against the wall of the RV.

“What the hell does that even mean, man?” Jesse’s eyes crinkled confusingly; Mr. White was always spouting off this pseudo-deep bullshit all the time, but this time it felt… strange. Jesse couldn’t comprehend what it was. He wondered if this is what Skyler had meant.

Walter took another step. And another. He was so close now. Jesse watched as Mr. White raised his hands up, planting them on the sides of Jesse's cheeks. Jesse could feel rough, calloused fingers against his skin. “Tell me, Jesse.”

“Tell you what, yo?”

“... Have you ever, in your life, felt absolute power? I mean, ever?”

Jesse didn’t understand what was it with the Whites and their way of always trying to intimidate him, make him feel small. Now he wondered what their son was like.

“No, I mean- what the fuck?” Jesse shrugged him off, choosing another part of the RV wall to lean against. He crossed his arms.

“Jesse, listen. I’ve… I’m feeling…” Walter trailed off, and as he reached up to massage his own temples, Jesse really didn’t understand at all. Mr. White was a strange person to him; always speaking in riddles, and when he wasn’t speaking in riddles, he was spouting off about chemistry and elements and other things relating. He’s changed, sure. He has less of a stick up his ass.

Mr. White removed the wire-thin frames from his face, placing them on the counter beside him. Fiddling with his hands, he made another move towards Jesse, and before he knew it, Mr. White had pulled him into a soft embrace.

Jesse loosened his arms, letting them hang on his sides as Walter held him close. Usually, by this point, he’d shove him off with a snarky remark and pretend whatever had happened didn’t. But this felt, different.

The air seemed to lose all tension around them, Mr. White holding Jesse in his arms, Jesse blinking faster and more than he should. He was really, fucking confused. He wriggled a bit in Walt’s grasp, hoping that would influence the man to let go. Walt exhaled. “… I think that I want to…”

Walter didn’t say anything else after that. He moved a hand upwards from it’s position around Jesse’s back, reaching up and fingers delving into blond locks. This made Jesse squirm uncomfortably.

“Mr. White, I don’-“

“You won’t understand. Okay, Jesse?” Jesse felt himself being released out of Walter’s arms. He raised his head immediately, in hopes that Walt’s face would help him comprehend what the fuck just happened. Everything Walter did either helped him, hurt him, or confused him. Jesse, without a word, watched as Walter inserted his hands into his pockets, legs shifting and he left the RV, door swinging against the wind. Jesse looked over, the bullet holes in the RV door allowing sun to escape through. 

Jesse gnawed his teeth together. Who did this guy think he is?

“Mr. White- Ugh! Hey!” Jesse pushed through the door this time, met with Walter’s back turned, facing the desert roaming beyond them. He rustled his hands frustratingly through his hair and over his clothes, hoping to remove the feeling of Walt on his skin. He stomped up behind, nudging Walter hard with the flat surface of his palms. Walt refused to turn around, it seemed. Jesse moved in front of him this time, blue eyes crinkled as the sun rays hit him upon the top of his head.

“Look at me, man!” Jesse shoved him harder. Walt grabbed his shoulders fast, finally looking down, gaze into gaze.

“Shut up, Jesse.” Walt’s hands loosened again, before moving down to grab Jesse’s wrists tightly. That only made Jesse even more confused.

“What the fuck do you mean, yo? What’s with this philosophical bull-“ Walter kissed him.

Walter kissed him.

Jesse wanted to let go. At least, that’s what he thought. His tightened fists lost the energy immediately, fingers loosening. He was deciding between closing his eyes or opening them, pushing Walter away or grasping him tight. Clenching his jaw or melting into Walt’s arms. Is this what he meant? Jesse felt so… weak, so weak and he hated it.

His eyes watered at the realization. Walter is powerful. Too powerful. That’s why Jesse didn’t understand him. Walter let go of Jesse’s wrists, and Jesse could feel his skin pulsating from how tightly Walter held them. Jesse breathed heavily through his nose. He felt his hands move to Walter’s waist. It was just like..

He could feel the tightening of his throat grow at the thought. Walter unhooked his mouth from Jesse’s own. Silently, he reached up, thumb wiping away a warm tear that had begun to reside in the corner of Jesse’s eyes. Walter looked, calm. For the first time that Jesse had ever seen him. It was a weird look, foreign, like it didn’t belong to him.

“Fuck. Fuck. Shit.” Jesse shook his head furiously, hoping his eyes hadn’t reddened by now. He swiped harshly at his face. He couldn’t look at Walt anymore. His knees trembled. The ghost of Walter’s mouth was on his lips now. “Why did you do that.” Why did Jesse not hate that he did it.

“Why didn’t you push me away?”

Jesse looked hard into Mr. White’s eyes.

“That’s what’s been different about you. Your wife ain’t enough for you or something? You gotta go clompin’ on the next face you see cause’ she isn’t making you feel good?”

Walter only responded in silence.

“I can’t believe you. Spouting out this weird shit about ‘power’ and making me feel like a piece of fuckin’ gum under your shoe. Is that what you wanted to do?” Jesse didn’t want to be telling Walter all the things his mind came up with. He wanted to avoid as much as he can about it. About Walter’s warm mouth. About his rough hands grabbing his skin.

“No.” Mr. White finally said.

“… No?”

“No, she doesn’t make me feel good anymore. You do.”

The tension in the air began to rise. Jesse’s throat, oh god, his throat felt like it had lost all moisture in that moment. He was finding it extremely hard to swallow. His fingers began tracing the red on his skin where Walter’s hands had been before, mind flip-flopping. All things that he should be saying right now only left him with a dry mouth. It was hard to think.

“… kiss me again.”

“… what?”

Jesse wrung his hands together. He was mad, confused, sad, all awful things pooling around in his stomach, all at once.

“I make you feel good, don’t I?” Jesse was tired of playing this game. Walter being the king, Jesse being the lowly servant that hid behind his back. He was tired of feeling like a weakling under Walter’s grasp. He was tired, and wanted to feel Walter on him again. Jesse moved forward this time, closer. Walt kept a steady gaze on him. Hands began to reach up, clasping tightly on Walter's shirt.

Jesse didn't know what to think anymore at this point. But he wanted to win. The air around them grew quiet. 

“… then kiss me _again_.”

**Author's Note:**

> I hope this makes sense, man. I haven't written anything in literally years, so thank you for reading my garbage! Goodnight. also, this would've been smut if i wasn't too embarrassed to write it


End file.
